Another bad day...

So I am going to step over that blog line and be totally and brutally honest. Today, already, at eight o'clock in the morning has already turned into yet another bad day. Sure I am wallowing this morning. Yes, I know for those of you who read this, I may even get a bunch of, "It will get better, chin up, Keep your eyes on Jesus," comments. Yes, I know there are others out there who are having worse days than I am. My bad day is just a little speck in the spectrum of badness.

The truth is, this morning, I am not sure really how I will handle those realities. For I am tired. I am tired of bad days. It reminds my of my favorite children's book, "Alexander and the terrible,horrible, no good , very bad day." It is all about how there is a day in the life of this life boy Alexander and nothing seems to ever go right. His brother gets the toy out of the cereal box, he has to buy ugly shoes at the shoe store because all the "cool" ones in his size are out, his Mom forgets a treat in his lunch box and so the list goes on and on. It is sad when you feel like your day has reached this potential, before it has even begun.

Yet, this is where I sit this morning. Honestly, happy to wallow in the depths of my own idiotic ramblings. What has gone so bad you might ask? Unfortunately, it is the worst kind of bad day. The one when you have been chipped away at until you have nothing left. The one where it is the same old stuff you deal with every other day, you are just exhausted with it.

At the end of Alexander's meanderings, he crawls into bed thankful that tomorrow is a new day. I think that is where I am at now. I will be thankful when it is a new day. Thankful that Christ does love me, even in the midst of all of this.. Thankful to be reminded that I am supposed to keep my mind on things "above" and not on earthly things... Thankful that in the end my feelings are really not what makes the world go around.

This morning I just might have my little temper tantrum. I might swing my fists at the air and rage out against my bad day. I might step back and realize I need to be sensitive to others with the bad days... I am sure there is a lesson in this somewhere... Truthfully, it is comforting to know tomorrow will be different. But, it is more comforting to know I have a God who cares I am having a bad day. My day might still be bad in the end, but with Christ holding my hand it really is how you look at it...

The Oldest...

I so distinctly remember being 10 years old. It was the year that I began to understand that soon I was leaving childhood behind.  I did not want that.  

You see just a year or two more and you truly understand what lies ahead. There is a moment that comes when you really know that getting older is a good thing. You can look ahead to the world of the "teen years" and sort of  romanticize them. However, the point just before this all you can see is what you are leaving behind.

 At 9 this is the place that our oldest finds herself now.  The other day sitting on the couch it all came out.   John had been swinging K around in the living room.  "Boo" (as we love to call her and always will)  was watching from the couch. Looking just a little too fun, she of course wanted to be next. Now bless my husband, he tried. However, the reality is that she is just gotten too big for moments like this. None of us have wanted to admit it, but this time his arms just gave out and he had too declare, "You have gotten too old."  

Collapsing on the couch Boo broke out in sobs.  "Why?"  The tears streamed down her face as the emotions flooded out.  After weeks of suspecting this was what she was feeling, finally she admitted it.  All of the things she felt she had to leave behind came out.  It was harder to carry her to bed after she falls asleep.  Mommy and Daddy don't rub her head to sleep as often as we once did.  The list went on..

While she is still a child, I understood exactly what she felt. I can recall it so vividly.  Honestly, the hard part is that she is struggling so hard.  We took a moment to remind her of all of the wonderful "perks," that you get by being the oldest.  Her and I may even take a special trip this Fall, to celebrate her age.

In the midst of it I have to remind myself to be patient. She wants to hold my hand EVERYWHERE we go. She needs to practically sit on me each time I am sitting. "Baby talk" has become a favorite game. This is a moment where I truly have to put aside my selfishness and show her the tenderness she needs.

She is growing. In the meantime she has the Lord and he is guiding her. We have to keep reminding her that she doesn't have to look behind or forward, because the Lord will, and does use her right where she is.  I have to view her as a parent as Moses' parents saw him, 

"By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict." Hebrews 11:23 

Truly she is "no ordinary child"  the Lord has a plan for her as she grows.  Not when she "grows up," but as she is growing. It is my job to held her see each step of the way that this place she is, is beautiful... She is beautiful on the inside out.

I am not quite ready for her to be "grown" yet. I think we are both mourning just a little what we have left behind. However, it is the promised land that it just ahead. We know where we are headed, and we will enjoy the journey together..

Inspired

"... The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Since I am just starting this blog I thought it only fitting to share my soul.  A couple of good friends of mine recently inspired me to take a deep long look at who I am and how I came to be here. What I mean by "here" of course is an adult woman riddled with quirks. I will probably share many of these with you on this very blog.  Here is a brief list:

•  I often joke that I "never shut off."  While this bothers many I really am ok with it.
  
• I will only use Bounty "select a size" paper towels. Yep- shallow but true.
• You may not know that the Starbucks "mermaid" is really a "Siren" calling you into buy coffee. She calls my name every time I am within 1/4 mile of her.
• Iced cold, fountain Coke with crushed ice may be my secret addiction, only slightly followed by iced cold Coke from a can.
• I can give you statistics for most things involving the inner city and youth.
• If I don't read my Bible in the morning and before bed, I get physically agitated. Not because I am legalistic but because it feeds my soul.
• People who eat loud or while on the phone with me should just never talk to me again.
• I hate cold, grey winters with a passion that is sort of frightening.

Now that you are disgusted by who I have become. Let me tell you about how I got here:

• Growing up I was exposed to copious amounts of kid's music, "old" time Gospel, blue grass, polka, oldies and country music. See example below: (This was a favorite.)

• My Mom started "frosting" my hair when I was in Middle School. By 8th grade it was high lighted so "white" many kids asked me why my hair was grey. My Mom and myself both thought I looked beautiful.
• My hair was super short and permed most of my young life.
• In 6th grade my "friends" played a prank on me that caused the ENTIRE 6th- 8th grade classes to stand around my locker and laugh at me.
• I played with Barbies until I was 14.
• Sucked my thumb until I was 13.
• Began playing the trumpet in 4th grade and allowed it to take over my life all the way through High School.
• While other "cool" kids  made through High School with skipping at least a class, almost all of my classes that could be were Advanced Placement.
• For fun my friend's and I would steal lawn ornaments from one lawn and trek across town and place them on different people's lawns.

That is why I am so thankful that through it all Christ is looking at my heart. He is saying that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Yes, I am wretched, but bought for a price and loved more than I can ever fathom.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.  This is the place of where I come from and where I am going collide...

Recently, In an effort to teach my oldest about the "tion" in spelling I began to sing this song. I could not remember where it came from. Well, I found it. Maybe it will help straighten some things out... This was the children's programming I was exposed to.  

I may have learned the power of "green" at a young age but why are they all naked?

 No wonder I am the way that I am...