The Oldest...

I so distinctly remember being 10 years old. It was the year that I began to understand that soon I was leaving childhood behind.  I did not want that.  

You see just a year or two more and you truly understand what lies ahead. There is a moment that comes when you really know that getting older is a good thing. You can look ahead to the world of the "teen years" and sort of  romanticize them. However, the point just before this all you can see is what you are leaving behind.

 At 9 this is the place that our oldest finds herself now.  The other day sitting on the couch it all came out.   John had been swinging K around in the living room.  "Boo" (as we love to call her and always will)  was watching from the couch. Looking just a little too fun, she of course wanted to be next. Now bless my husband, he tried. However, the reality is that she is just gotten too big for moments like this. None of us have wanted to admit it, but this time his arms just gave out and he had too declare, "You have gotten too old."  

Collapsing on the couch Boo broke out in sobs.  "Why?"  The tears streamed down her face as the emotions flooded out.  After weeks of suspecting this was what she was feeling, finally she admitted it.  All of the things she felt she had to leave behind came out.  It was harder to carry her to bed after she falls asleep.  Mommy and Daddy don't rub her head to sleep as often as we once did.  The list went on..

While she is still a child, I understood exactly what she felt. I can recall it so vividly.  Honestly, the hard part is that she is struggling so hard.  We took a moment to remind her of all of the wonderful "perks," that you get by being the oldest.  Her and I may even take a special trip this Fall, to celebrate her age.

In the midst of it I have to remind myself to be patient. She wants to hold my hand EVERYWHERE we go. She needs to practically sit on me each time I am sitting. "Baby talk" has become a favorite game. This is a moment where I truly have to put aside my selfishness and show her the tenderness she needs.

She is growing. In the meantime she has the Lord and he is guiding her. We have to keep reminding her that she doesn't have to look behind or forward, because the Lord will, and does use her right where she is.  I have to view her as a parent as Moses' parents saw him, 

"By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict." Hebrews 11:23 

Truly she is "no ordinary child"  the Lord has a plan for her as she grows.  Not when she "grows up," but as she is growing. It is my job to held her see each step of the way that this place she is, is beautiful... She is beautiful on the inside out.

I am not quite ready for her to be "grown" yet. I think we are both mourning just a little what we have left behind. However, it is the promised land that it just ahead. We know where we are headed, and we will enjoy the journey together..